How many of you feel “surrounded” but not “serened”? How many of you feel that among people, you are “accepted”, yet you are not “understood”? How many of you have been unfulfilled by the people and relationships around you and thereby feel insecure yourself? If I were these words,and this page, and they had eyes, I’m pretty sure, I would be seeing many hands raised in acceptance.
Somehow, in life, I’ve always mourned not having the perfect friend. I mean, hey, no offence! You know what, my friends are amazing! We reciprocate love in different ways, and in the end we’re always there for each other! Always!
Yet, sometimes, if there was someone who would listen to me so well, still they could not be the ‘guide’ that I needed at that moment. Or, if they could advice effortlessly, still, it would never be what I needed because they didn’t understand. Some don’t even listen. Some people listen, but never act when I need them to. While most people loved me, because I could easily vibe with their inner thoughts, know every word, without them having to blurt it out, I always felt surrounded and appreciated, sure, but yet could never wipe out that inner desire that I wanted someone who could know me as well as I did others. And I’m sure lots of people feel the same way! Don’t you? Even if you’re not full of empathy that few people can reciprocate…still at some point in life, some of you would have felt lacking in support or understanding.
Did you know?! According to Dr.Gary Chapman, people have different “emotional tanks”. ‘Everyone craves for a different kind of love. Some crave for “Words of Affirmation”. They are all geared up to do the most difficult tasks just with the inspiration of an affirming praise from you. They wouldn’t need much other support. While some are content with “The Practice of Gifting”. No words, no time spent with them makes a difference, but a token of appreciation does! Similarly, some people give importance to “Quality Time” someone spends with them. Others are happy with “Physical Touch” like hugs, holding hands, kisses, cuddling. And last but not least, some love seeing “Acts of Service” like helping them to their goal or supporting them in their endeavours.'(Ref 1) So when you have so much diversity, ‘how’ can the other know, and importantly ‘who’ would know what needs you have ?
Like water is to our body, friends are like that in our life! Yes, you heard right, friends are like water! Water sustains you to the core of your biological systems! As important as that, but water is not as lasting, admit it or not. I wanted in addition to water, something more substantial and lasting! A friend who would never evaporate. Someone who could always hold onto me and never feel embarrassed. Having priorities none other than mine!!! Someone like my own Blood, which courses through my veins every second! Be with me like that! See through all my needs and understand me as blood does our body.
Then, I realized….I did have “that blood” with me…! I did have that best friend with me! So do you!
Yes! It was my own blood-Myself! “I” was the “perfect friend” for myself! “You” are the “perfect friend” to yourself! Can you believe it?!
Who better would understand, what you want and what you need? Who knows what better to do for you in your life, than you?! You don’t have to wait for other people to find out how you feel, and let them decide! You can tell yourself and decide yourself!
So why do we, when we know so much about ourselves, fail to treat ourselves as we should? As a best friend! Why do we condemn ourselves? Why do we ignore our instincts, sacrifice our goals, inhibit our feelings, and mistreat our body? Why???!!!
Is it because we that when our friend is so much like us, we’ll definitely make double trouble?? But that is not true! We are much wiser than we think, much more! Hey! Do you know, what 1 and 1 together is?? Did you say 2?? ❌Errr! Wrong Answer!!! Its 11 silly!? See! If you can do so much alone, think about how much you can do with your New Best Friend! Trust me, its like you’ll have Wings!
So what do you do when you can’t tell. people how you feel? When people don’t understand? When you have to make a choice and you want the best for you? You tell your new best friend! How??!!
Take a deep breath and go to some place you like, preferably private, alone please. Because you are talking to your best friend here, you don’t want anyone interrupting, do you?
Then, if you’re inner person, like me, typical word junkie?! Write it down! Scribble it out or Draw! Don’t have an paper? You have every right to ink those walls. But hey! Only temporarily, to a extent to which Mr.Clean It can fix it??
If you are an extrovert, maybe talkative? Well, no issues, go ahead, bring your bestie in front of you, or go to the mirror and fire it out, all that you want! Untill your heart is all empty and lighter!
But if you’re more of a physically expressive person, then surely, we don’t want your steam showing off on the wrong person or at the wrong time! So go kick some ass! Well not literally ok? Go boxing or do some sports if your lava is waiting and ready to burst. But if its just cooking up, try soother tones…like dance, music. Waltz yourself into solace; six out the pain, and ultimately win Peace of Mind! Win Yourself, Know yourself!
I’ve found My Best Friend! Direly hope you find yours! Love y’all!?
P.S. Man is a social animal, hence Friends are essential, they are ! But without loving yourself, no one will love you! Without understanding yourself, no one can understand you!
Notes: Ref 1- The 5 Languages of Love by Dr.Gary Chapman