Inside My Mind.

Inside My Mind.

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Inside my mind, is an infinite abyss. Inside my mind, is an unsurmountable mountain.

Inside my mind, is a happy place. A place with colorful balloons and eternal sunshine. Where my first steps result in celebratory laughter. Where my mother’s kisses blanket me in her protective arms. Where everyday, a new friend is made on the playground. Where my  first words are rewarded with glowing praise. My childhood.

Inside my mind, is a learner. An ardent student. A place with an everlasting thirst for knowledge. Where most days are spent in school, eagerly trying to grasp the intricate concepts of history, geography and math. Where respect comes easy, and obedience naturally.

Inside my mind, is a rebel, a pretender. A place, where battling to fit in, is the norm. Judgement is routinely handed out on a platter. Kids walk the corridors, proud to be a bully. A place where, I am ; a bully. Cowardice, transforms you. Your soul is sold in a jiffy to be a part of the supposed cool kids troop ! Inside my mind, is a redeemer.

Inside my mind, is a shy lover. A place, reserved for the magic of beginnings. Where coy glances are stolen across the classroom,  and first kisses are met with awkward goodbyes. A place of trust; of surrender. Where secrets and promises are worshipped. Scribbled on a shabby note, surreptitiously passed across, the words “I love you” set into motion, such perfect fantasies !

Inside my mind, is heartbreak. In its Pandora’s box, pushed to the extreme back. Where broken promises and shared secrets are replayed, and memories are an omnipresent whirlpool. Where the tears mix with the blood, spattered across the floor. Glittering like diamonds ; tiny mirrors, to what your adolescence has left behind.

Inside my mind, is a fighter. A soldier, dressed in armor. Every piece gathered back together , with tape and glue. Inside my mind, is an optimist;  a believer. Where loving again is welcomed with outstretched arms. A place, where I wear my heart on my sleeve.  Until that place is outgrown, towered upon.

Inside my mind , is a victim. The memory of his repulsive touch, still makes every hair end stand. Inside my mind, is a secret keeper. A place where his dirty deed will be buried alone, forever. Where fear is mixed with unspeakable agony. Inside my mind, is a healer.

Inside my mind , is a doctor. A compassionate listener; an ambitious dreamer. Where the months stretch across an endless canvas. Where the stress adds more years than knowledge. Exams are plentiful, and results- meekly disappointing. The time of glowing praise and celebratory laughter, are replaced by curt replies and deepened frown lines. Inside my mind, is a dejected follower.

Inside my mind, is a jaded lover. A place with no entry signs displayed on every corner. A guarded place in its mansion of steel; a place of hurt. Trust issues , in bold, are engraved on every page. Betrayal is at every station. A place of exhaustion; of lost purpose. Scribbled on a shabby note, surreptitiously passed across, the words “I love you “, signal- the inevitable end.

Inside my mind, is an over thinker; a problem creator. An overachiever, marooned in an island of disappointment. A place of strength, with a limb covered in bruises. Inside my mind, is a hopeless romantic, with a “break up note” slid across the bedside -as an only explanation. A place of obvious paradox. A place of guilt; where forgiving can do what forgetting cannot. A place of acceptance, where loving oneself is an everyday hurdle. Inside my mind, is an unfinished portrait with colors that do not match.

Inside my mind, is a doctor. Inside my mind, is a writer.

 

 

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